PROMPT: What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

noun regret/plural noun: regrets = a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
Ouch, this one hurts. But I will go with the first thing that always pops in my mind when the subject of regret comes up: I married the wrong man.
I believe marrying the wrong person is one of the worst things anyone can ever do to themselves – especially when children become part of the equation. In response to that people always respond: “but if you hadn’t been with your ex, you wouldn’t have your son…” To that I say: “how do you know?” I mean, really? Maybe I would have had him with a man that actually deserved to be his father. Maybe I would have had him with a man that would step up, be a good and strong role model for him. Maybe, just maybe, I could have avoided putting so many years of time into a complete and utter asshole – but because we married and had a child, instead I have had no choice but to sit there and listen to baseless crap for what amounts to years of time off of my life. Seriously.
The only reprieve I give myself is that I was very young when I married. He is eight years older than me. I (and my father of all people) caught him a web of lies before I married him. He (with the help of his mother of all people) did a good job of weaseling his way out of that big, glistening web. But I still married him. And my father never advised against it (I was ‘over the age of 18’ and could make up my own mind … what a crock).
The first time I called my family attorney, was three months after we married. I had just found a closet full of proof that not only was my intuition right about all of those lies months earlier, but there were even more and deeper lies … and his mother was in on those also! He is simply a product of his environment – lie, cheat or manipulate until you get what you want. It still goes on today.
What fascinates me, is that yes, I was young. People get married later these days. However, I still watch people talk themselves into marrying the wrong person over and over – so, I’m not sure how much age has to do with it. What is it about the human psyche that when it comes to intimate relationships, we refuse to just call spades, spades?
I’m not even talking about situations as obviously wrong as marrying a proven liar when that is the one trait I cannot tolerate. I’m speaking of even the most simple examples of two people that simply want different things out of life. How often do you see a couple even date longer than they should, bicker all the time and then get married?! WHY???
It’s like the history of war in the world – people just don’t learn from others or the past. It is the most curious thing.
With all of that regret, that has crossed my mind every day for the last 16 1/2 years, I will admit one thing: if, when I die and +GOD+, +HIMSELF+ tells me: “YES, they were right, you had to make that human mistake in order to have your son … there was no other way.” Then all of this regret, for so many years, would have been for nothing; I would do it all over again, walking through hell, with a broken back, to have been assured I got my son.
So, what is the real lesson in this exercise? It is that regret, most likely,  is even more of a waste of time than having to deal with the aftermath of  mistakes.


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