PROMPT: Breakdown a Bad Habit

Daily Prompt: Breakdown

Tell us about a habit you’d like to break. Is there any way it can play a positive role in your life?

 

My bad habit isn’t simply procrastination, it is waiting until the 11th hour and 59th minute. I do not know what I do it!!

Is it some kind of sick adrenaline rush? Is it some kind of subconscious rebellion to commitment? Is it irresponsibility? I don’t know! But it drives me nuts about my self.

Sometimes, I truly think I cannot think creatively enough to solve issues, until I become anxiety-ridden … and then that anxiety causes some kind of chemical flood through my brain that figures it out.

It’s nuts.

Sometimes simple procrastination does work out for the best – but I like things nice and tidy and taken care of … that is not procrastination.

I am just one big contradiction of my own terms.

PROMPT: Safety First

Daily Prompt: Safety First

Share the story of a time you felt unsafe.

 

This past March, my son and I were driving back from the Easter Vigil at our church, which is a 35-40 minute country road drive. Easter Vigil begins after darl – around 8:45 pm and  lasts a little over two hours. So, it was between 11 and 11:30 pm when we were driving back home.

Well, we were on the windiest part of the drive when a late model Toyota Camry came right up behind me and began riding the back end of my car. It was following me so closely that I could not see that car’s front bumper in any of my rear view mirrors.

When that happens and the driver refuses to back off, I usually slow way down and give them an opportunity to pass. If I’m on a road I don’t know and am going slower than the speed limit, I pull over to let them pass. However, in this case, I know this road, I was going at least the speed limit, if not a few miles over. The driver of the other car was simply being an asshole.

Well, he really didn’t like it when I slowed down.

So, he passed me dangerously close, on a double yellow line, got in front of me, slammed on the breaks, stopped in the middle of this country road, got out of his car, stood in the middle of the road and put his hand in the back of his pants like he was going to pull a gun.

Well, I slammed my car in reverse, told my son to call 911, and began driving backwards around curves on pitch black country road.

I was scared.

Then I got pissed.

That is what our word has come to. That asshole does wrong, bullies and intimidates another driver in a naturally dangerous area to begin with and then he resorts to threatening behavior when he is slowed down.

Seriously?

Scary none the less.

PROMPT: Close Call

Daily Prompt: Close Call

Tell us about a bullet you’re glad you dodged — when something awful almost happened, but didn’t.

 

In 2005, my long -time hairdresser talked me into “just hanging out” with a guy whom had just lost his wife of 20 years, just a few months before in a car accident. I had known him and his family growing up, so, it’s not that we were strangers, but he is 8 years older, so it’s also not like we had ever been friends either.

I was reluctant because it had only been a few months, however, Donna insisted he just needed to be able to stay busy. I remember asking her if he was still a big golf player, because I had just bought a house on the golf course – meaning, I was just thinking of things to offer to keep him busy. I just didn’t want doom and gloom, because I had just bought the house & was in the midst of a major remodeling job. Also, to be honest, his late wife’s name was the same as mine, his youngest son was only a year older than my son & to top it off, their names are only one letter off than being the same … it was all just kind of too close to home.

But, of course, I relented and told her she could give him my phone number.

He called about a week or so later. We made plans to spend the following Sunday at a festival in Louisville along the river.

Well, we had a blast. We had so much fun. It was one of those rare experiences of meeting someone and instantly finishing each other’s sentences. Not only to each other, but when speaking to others, we would answer their questions the same way. It was nuts.

All of a sudden, all of those obvious similarities we knew about up front, became just the tip of the iceberg of our compatibility. It was like kismet or something.

We went along like that for about the first month. Everything just fit. It was hassle-free.

Then he told me he loved me and he did not like my response; which was simply that we needed to go slow. Yes, it was amazing and unexpected, however, life is still life and we needed to give it a few months to sink in.

Apparently that answer touched some kind of insecurity nerve because it all changed after that. It was like a switch had been flipped. It was weird. I was caught completely off guard.

Then he was gone. Boom. Done. Over. Gone.

His friends called me. Donna called me. They all wanted to know “what happened?” I still don’t think they believed me when I told them I didn’t know.

Well, since then – eight years later – he has been engaged multiple times. He has trampled many girls’ hearts. From what I was told a while back, his sons got in trouble along the way and had ‘issues’ (nothing major, just drinking, smoking pot, etc.)

It seems I was just the first of many. Who knows why. Maybe it is because he didn’t simply stop for a ‘minute’ and let himself feel the raw grief. Maybe he’s been a player his entire life. Maybe he has no spiritual foundation. I don’t know.

All I know is that I dodged a serious bullet. If I had gone by ‘feeling’ alone, I would have jumped on that bandwagon with both feet. Instead, I chose to listen to reason, my intuition, and +GOD+ and pull back on the reigns.

That is one bullet that would have caused serious emotional harm, not only to me, but most importantly to my son.

 

PROMPT: Now You See Me

Daily Prompt: Now You See Me

You have a secret superpower: the ability to appear and disappear at will. When and where will you use this new superpower? Tell us a story.

 

This is funny. When my son was little, I was trying to teach him between right and wrong. Now, he was a very precocious little boy – you could never give him the easy answer. So, if things were as easy as ‘black or white’ he would want to know how and why.

So, I tried to simplify it to him. I said “Here is how you know if you shouldn’t do something … if you would not do it if you could SEE +Jesus+ standing in the room with you, then it is definitely something you should not do. Because +HE+ is here, whether we can see him or not.”

Well, a few weeks later, on a Saturday morning, a Victoria’s Secret commercial came on (yes, in the middle of kids’ cartoons). All of a sudden my son says to me, “Mom, I’m pretty sure if those girls could see +Jesus+ in the room with them, they would put some clothes on and not act like that”.

The point being, if I could ‘pop’ in anywhere & then disappear again – I think it would be to me son during those crazy moments we all have in our youth – that we look back on & think “WHY? … I’m a smart person, WHY?”

Not to be weird, but for him to see me if even for a split second & be reminded about everything I tried to teach him from my own mistakes.

I suppose that is just the mom in me wanting to protect my son from all of the stupidity and heartache all humans experience. But, maybe, just maybe, if I could appear at just the right moment, it could minimalize his.

PROMPT: Sink or Swim

Daily Prompt: Sink or Swim

Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school. What was the outcome? show us PERSEVERANCE.

 

Wow, I feel like my entire life has been sink or swim. Seriously.

To the point that I wonder what is wrong with me? I mean, what is fundamentally wrong with me? I mean, I am smart. I am willing to work. I mind my own business. I don’t bother anyone. But I seem to be in this endless cycle of things are okay, to things being overwhelming. There doesn’t seem to be an in-between.

I do know perseverance is a trait that must be chosen. It is too easy to crawl up in the fetal position and give up. One must choose to continue to get up, breathe, move, and think. Then one must choose to keep moving. Keep thinking.

As far as ‘being left on my own’ to ‘fend for myself’? I cannot remember a time I had anyone else to shoulder life with. It’s always been just me.

I’ve been a single mother for 17 years. I have raised my son by myself. I have been a single homeowner for over a decade. I have dealt with the utility companies when the cable or electric doesn’t work. I have waded through my flooded basement. I have survived 10 days with no electricity through the ice storm. I have dealt with the broken down cars. I have taken my son to the emergency room with a broken bone. I have dodged family drama and family dynamics. I have juggled surviving off of no money. I have bought, renovated and sold homes by myself. I have fought the stupid, seemingly unnecessary fights in court with my former husband.

I don’t know what sharing life and all that comes with it would feel like. Does it make it easier? Or is it even more complicated because then there are two sets of human thoughts, feelings and emotions to deal with? On my own, I just do whatever needs to be done the best way I see fit.

It would be nice to have a stronger person around to do some heavy lifting. But, seriously … I can’t imagine what it feels like to have someone else to just get ‘it’ done.

As for the ‘outcome’ … hmmm … I guess we’ll see.

As for sink or swim? I’m still swimming.

 

PROMPT: The Clothes (May) Make the (Wo)man

Daily Prompt: The Clothes (May) Make the (Wo)man

How important are clothes to you? Describe your style, if you have one, and tell us how appearance impacts how you feel about yourself.

 

Funny thing: my first instinct was to admit that I am no fashionista, that clothes have never been my “thing”.

However, then it hit me … I may not put so much importance on the newest fashions, I still like to have my own style. Furthermore, it has really bothered me the last several years that I have been overweight, that I’m not able to wear what I like.

I love jeans. I love my cowgirls boots. I love fun, flirty, sexy tops. I love leggings. I love sweet, simple sundresses.

But I don’t have the figure now for any of those styles to look good on me. They don’t hang right. The calf of the boot isn’t large enough. The tops look too revealing since I actually have boobs now.

I use to feel just fun and happy and sunny wherever I went. So, maybe it took this to realize that what one wears and how they wear it does, in fact, have a relevance on how one feels in general.

I want my body back. I want my fun clothes back. Most importantly, I want them both back so I can go back to not thinking about clothes and fashion.

You know what I mean?!

PROMPT: Unplugged

Daily Prompt: Bloggers, Unplugged

Sometimes, we all need a break from these little glowing boxes. How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

 

Good timing – I had to make myself ‘unplug’ just last night. I was emotionally and mentally fried, I just needed to cut off from everything.

Ironically, even though I knew it and had been thinking it all day – I cannot believe how absolutely difficult it was to NOT turn on my laptop. I instantly grabbed for it. Then, when I remembered that I had decided not to turn it on – I had to talk myself into keeping that promise to myself. I had to resist the urge not to “just check email – nothing else” … or “just check ebay, see if anything sold” … etc., etc.

I had to consciously tell myself there was nothing that could not wait until I woke up at my extremely early regular time.

I’m not even a social network guru, but it’s like through this technical gadget, I don’t feel as disconnected.

Crazy.

PROMPT: Goals for 2014

Daily Prompt: To Boldly Go…

An impending new year gives rise to reflection and goal setting. What will your goals for 2014 be? It’s never to early to start thinking about self improvement!

 

This is another easy one.

In 2014, I want to do everything I planned to do but haven’t done in the last 10 years. Oh, what the heck, let’s make it the last 14 years.

I haven’t done anything I set out to do so long ago. I know, it’s sad. But true.

So, where do I start? My first goal would be to finish my screenplay. As I am completing that, I will get back into running and lose this 50 pounds I gained five years ago. As a reward I would finally take that road trip through Italy. Then when I return from that long overdue trip to Italy, I will move back to California – Malibu. I love Malibu. Once I get settled in my beach cottage, I will concentrate on selling that blockbuster screenplay. And once that sells (within the first month, of course) I will devote all of my time and energy into feeding all of the hungry people of the Appalachian Mountains.

Yeah, I better get ready –  have a lot to do next year.

Prompt: Keeping up with the Jones’

Daily Prompt: Keeping up with the Jones’

Tell us about the one luxury item you wish you could afford, in as much detail as you can. Paint a picture for us.

 

No doubt about it, I would buy a Porsche 911. I’m not a materialistic person, however, I love cars and I love to drive. I mean drive … drive. Not ‘out for a Sunday cruise’ drive. I mean peel the tires and grab the gears.

But the 911 I would buy is one of the older versions – late 80’s early 90’s. The body of the older Porsches had more curve and sexiness. Porsche is also the only car I’d consider having in the color RED. Candy Apple Red with the Targa top and fin on the back.

Oh, my – I can feel the gear shift in my hand right now.

I would also drive it every day. Automobiles like that are meant to be driven, not just set out on permanent exhibition.

Yep, that’s my luxury item.

 

Daily Prompt: Love to Love You

What do you love most about yourself? What do you love most about your favorite person? Are the two connected?

 

Well …. self-love doesn’t come easily to me. However, if I must think about one of my traits that is in any way impressive, it would be my resilience. I’m like one of those egg shaped toys we used to play with – a weeble. The ones you can’t knock down, because they pop right back up. That’s me. I don’t even know how (and sometimes I don’t quite know why) but I do.

My favorite person in my dear friend, Tara. Choosing only one of her traits as one of my favorite proves to be difficult.  However, the one that pops into my mind is her ‘grace’. She is so kind and non-judgmental, to me that equals grace.

Is my resilience and her grace connected? Hmmmm …. I guess in a way. I mean, if you think of grace in the Christian precept they are. It takes +GOD’S+ grace to get back up over and over again; because through +HIM+ all things are possible and without that belief or hope, why get back up? And only with +HIS+ grace could one choose to overlook human fault over and over.

We do joke that I am the tough one and she is the sweet one – so, maybe it’s the same thing simply showing up in different traits.